The Third Coffee of the Morning

I rise from my slumbers

Rays of crimson light gleam through my window

Extatically, I rush to the kitchen

Get the beans from the cabinet

Undulate towards my conical burr grinder

Let the beans flow from their bag into the hopper

’Away!’ I shriek as they tumble through the apparatus

Raise my hands to the high heavens as the aroma of ground bean fills the air

Lick my lips in anticipation

Yank my kettle from its perch on the shelf

Caress the handle as water flows into the reservoir

Return to the scene of the bean

’You dirty whore!’ I holler, slamming the pot on the stove

A whooshing flame erupts from the stove, licking the sides

Tweeeeeeeee sings the pot, signaling that the time has come

Water connects with coffee grounds in my bespoke French press

Odors fill my nostrils, causing my butt to pucker

Rethink my decision to make another pot of joe

Knit my brow as sweat begins to form on my lower back

Enter the void of despair

No going back now

Dive towards my bathroom door

Miss my target. Slam to the ground

Yellow streams of diarrhea begin streaming from my tender anus

Plead to the heavens to save me

Atonal shrieks drown out the roaring flow of my white-hot butt juice

I see no escape as liquid feces fills the room

Never to be seen again

Author’s note

TFW you read the first letter!

For more coffee related Orifice content, check out Dark Roast by Manana Hammock.

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