The Bedoggening

My roommate takes a log ov oak to stoke the kitchen fire.

“Reeee!” shrieks she to the high heavens.

The wood crackles in the flames, sending off thick strings ov smoke.

The pan is set upon the fire, fire licking at its sides.

Six dogs are lay to roast. Sizzling away, oil splatters on every conceivable surface.

Roommate seals the windows for fear ov escaped odours.

Thrashing violently in sodium deficiency, second roommate enters.

“What wicked deeds shall we perform today, foul friend?”

The question posed, the two stand silently before the hearth.

The sun begins to show, causing roommates to dive for cover.

“Oh how it burns! Blasted celestial body.” shriek they in unison.

Crouching beneath the kitchen table, they plot their day.

“We fill the trash to brim, and leave it for Ass.”

“Delightful,” cackle the other, “I says we puts an single slice ov ham in large Tupperware!”

“Oh yes!” howls the first, “we’ll leave it to rot on his shelf in icebox.”

Roommate erratically turn over the dogs, sending oil flying unto the skies.

“And what ov the bathroom?” ask roommate to other roommate.

“Ay! The bathroom. Let us lock ourselves within for hours and not let Ass enter!”

Dogs make crack and sizzle as to tell roommate, “ready for now ov to consume!”

The dogs become inhale such that no dog remain.

Grease drip slowly down chins ov roommate.

Roommate yodel to the one true god, wishing pure darkness and misery in apartment.

Having complete breakfast routine, roommate return to their chambers to writhe in pain.

Every dog has his day.

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