Reports from Richard Sweet Billboard

My last report landed me in the deep end people. Although...it might be more apt to say the diving board... considering I’m literally 50 freaking feet above the flopping earth as I scratch this message (much higher than freaking Nate’s diving board who would only let us swim when his mom was home, dweeb). I could not write otherwise bulbous reader for as I absconded from Hawaii I forsook every belonging I owned so that I may not be traced by my pursuers. It has not been easy friends, I have now been on the lamb (via goat) for two strenuous weeks wherein I may or may not have had every single one of my whims catered to and not been in any real danger until I found tentative shelter in Akron. I told myself I would lay low for a bit but the magnet was too great orifice! The drive to write for you plagued my every thought as I ate gopher after gopher and slept in leeches on my sojourn. Though I suffered, this did not stay my fantasies of orifice. Through every backwoods cage death match I shared between fisher cat and Nebraskan men alike I was always fighting for that orifice and sometimes methamphetamine. Oh but I am a planet caught within the gravitation of aforementioned orifice’s light and it has led me to these lofty heights where I now carve hollow words for no one behind the billboard for handsome lawyer Richard Sweet.

For shame! My readers. For shame! The nature of my actions, the circumstances in which led me to be suspended here 50 feet above you and 10 below your mom are plagued with decadent travesties. Why oh God tell me why do I still cling to life with such tenacity? Why do I fight on despite the pain I have caused myself and others? Why does my crack pipe keep getting lip gloss on it? But is it for that confounded and enigmatic orifice that I press forward and keep myself alive. For it is what holds me on this lofty height with none of my clothing for it is the panacea and pacifier and... Oh fiddlesticks! I will have to report in my next message what has led me here as I hear the helicopters approaching and my acrylics can only handle so much scratching 💄toodles!