Buy Nine, Get the Tenth Free

> Candles illuminate the room, tinting the checkered tablecloths a pale orange.

> An aroma of oil and oregano fills the room.

> Riddled bible verses are muffled by the mashing of dough in my mouth.

> “Repent!” shrieks the pizzaman as he shoves yet another slice down my throat.

> “Oh sweet father, please forgive me,” I beg.

> Today marks the day I filled my loyalty card.

> Slap! The pizzaman strikes me with an open hand.

> Tears stream down my face as I choke down half-chewed bites of ‘za.

> “Under no circumstances shall you leave before the pie is done!”

> Cacophonous music invades my ears. Pizzzza passssta poooot it innna box!

> Knowing my end is inevitable, an idea enters my tender brain.

> I leap from my seat, breaking my chains.

> “No prisoners!” I shriek.

> “Mama mia!” the pizzaman shields his eyes from the shards of metal.

> “You shall pay for your crimes against the city of Parma,” I say to him.

> Bludgeon the pizzaman across the face with a parmesan shaker.

> Undulating, he rolls around on the ground.

> Thwomp! I strike him again, sprinkling fluffy white grains of cheese into his soulless eyes.

> “Today, you meet your maker!” I tell him.

> Pleading for mercy, the pizzaman writhes as I continue to pulverize his skull.

> Look him in the eye once more before delivering my final blow.

> “Za is no longer on the menu.”

> Hurl up the better part of a pepperoni pizza.

> Embrace the sweet grasp of my own mortality.

> Leave a 20% tip as I drift into the light.

> Pleasantly surprised when I read the first letters.

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